22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

by ololo3 on Apr 4, 2007 12:11 PM PDT Comment 27 comments

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=2823671

Courtesy of our good friend Jim Caple, of ESPN.com, who also wrote an article about the Giants' lovely opening day performance:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=2824841

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

0 recs | Comment 27 comments

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

It must be Hate Day, did you see the sewage Tim Brown wrote today? Be Wary of Barry

Yes. We know you hate Bonds and think he's Satan. We know because it's all you freaking write about. Get over it. Find a new schtick. It's old and you're pathetic.

Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist. Not boring: Emmanuel Burriss. Not fascist: SF Dugout

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 4, 2007 12:46 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

I like his second example of everyone that tries to be nice to Bonds' lives have been destroyed for it:

"His best athletic trainer, Stan Conte, has moved to Los Angeles, and seems quite happy there."

Poor guy. Poor, poor, poor guy...

by ololo3 on Apr 4, 2007 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

I effing hate that guy. What a pathetic pass for something called "journalism". If this what it's coming to, then I'm sorry, but I'm not just interested anymore.

I won't even go into the fact that in a 60 minute Sportcenter they can't give you the scores from all league action during that day. Instead they cook up horrible segments about how Florida has now won back to back basketball championships and the football team has won one as well. I'm sorry, but the game was played on Monday, but on a Wed. morning, I don't need to hear this pointless fact again, and again, and again...and we cut to talk to the Florida baseball coach..."So Mr. Coach, do you feel pressured to win a championship too...duh?"

Seriously, what an f'ing pathetic excuse for journalism or entertainment.

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 4, 2007 1:03 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

"and we cut to talk to the Florida baseball coach..."So Mr. Coach, do you feel pressured to win a championship too...duh?""

Fuck o dear. I could not even think to ask somebody, not even somebody I dislike, to take a camera and a microphone, shove it in Mike Martin's face and insult him with such a question. Really. ESPN has become the jock version of Oprah Winfrey on one extreme, and Jerry Springer on the other. No wonder Tony Bruno mocks them so much. I think if I had to work for assholes like that I would have gone postal before lunch on the first day. Or more probably, hit Bristol with a neutron bomb simply to clean out the gene pool, even if only on a temporary basis.

ESPN was pretty cool in 1987. It has become the bastard offspring of stupid middle age doods who are a cross between repugnant frat rats, bleeding heart trust fund phonies, and pyramid scheming vitamin salesmen with the occasional ex jock who will sell his soul, his ass, and his self-respect to the lowest bidder.

Save Matt Morris. Save The Pitchers. Save The World.

by E Ticket on Apr 4, 2007 1:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Must've been a slow news day. After all, it's not like there are hundreds of other players to write about.

Mandowear | comics | Sugarman FTW

by Natto on Apr 4, 2007 1:09 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Did you hear that Florida won the mens NCAA championship on Monday? Guess what, they won last year too. Guess what else, their football team won the championship last year too. I bet you didn't know that did you?

We now present the Original Coors, powered by Gatorade, tough actin' Tinactin Ultimate Hot Seat Highlight!

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 4, 2007 1:14 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

"We now present the Original Coors, powered by Gatorade, tough actin' Tinactin Ultimate Hot Seat Highlight!"

Coming after these messages, brought to you by Chevrolet.

by ololo3 on Apr 4, 2007 1:23 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

You know...this thing really has me riled up....you know what I had to wait through for the start of the Euro Champions League (Liverpool v. PSV Einhoven) game yesterday...I had to wade through a half hour jump-rope competition. Jesus Christ!!

Here's an idea, we'll precede an important quarterfinal Champions League match, with a Double Dutch competition. Give me an f'ing break. Do they think that the 2.4 people stupid enough to watch post pubescent unisex rope jumpers will stick with the channel and watch the worlds greatest sport?

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 4, 2007 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

However , I never miss Girls Jumping On Trampolines!

Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.

by victor frankenstein on Apr 4, 2007 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

The Man Show Reruns are

what everybody should watch instead of ESPN-

Save Matt Morris. Save The Pitchers. Save The World.

by E Ticket on Apr 4, 2007 1:56 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Chevvy? Piss on that , and Mellencamp sucks too.

My GM is Brian Sabean.

Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.

by victor frankenstein on Apr 4, 2007 1:39 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

From this article:

With Barry Bonds only 22 home runs from passing Hank Aaron, ESPN.com's contributors predict when Bonds will hit No. 756:

CONTRIBUTOR DATE
Jim Caple Won't do it

Since Caple was the only ESPN "contributor" to predict that Bonds won't break the record, he had to justify that crazy pick with this stupid article, which would be more aptly titled "22 Things Jim Caple Hopes Will Happen To Prevent Bonds From Breaking Aaron's Recorde"

Hell, it doesn't even matter. Even WHEN Bonds breaks the record, guys like Jim Caple will just pretend it doesn't count. Hell, he'll probably give us 757 reasons why it doesn't count.

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Apr 4, 2007 3:16 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Caple is one temper tantrum away from taking his ball and going home.

Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist. Not boring: Emmanuel Burriss. Not fascist: SF Dugout

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Apr 4, 2007 4:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

darn it, if I don't always stick an "e" on the end of some wordes. damne.

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Apr 4, 2007 4:43 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

speaking of the media

TBS has hired Ripken, Jr. and Gwynn, Sr. to be their studio baseball analysis.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/baseball/mlb/04/04/ripken.gwynn.tbs/index.html

I've watched TBS for years, and I'm glad they've finally decided to hire someone that actually knows something about baseball.

Also, the story includes this picture:

Ripken looks like Anakin Skywalker after Luke removes his Vader helmet. Tony Gwynn looks like Jaba the Hut. Just an observation.

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Apr 4, 2007 4:53 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: speaking of the media

me and spelling. watcha gonna do?

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Apr 4, 2007 4:53 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: speaking of the media

That is not Gwynn. Somebody photoshopped his face on Mando's body. You're definitely right about Anakin Ripkin...

Save Matt Morris. Save The Pitchers. Save The World.

by E Ticket on Apr 4, 2007 5:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: speaking of the media

"Let me look upon you with my OWN eyes..."

Wow, he really does look eerily like Anakin... And Gwynn looks kind of like James Earl Jones.

Lots of Darth Vadar going on in that picture.

by ololo3 on Apr 4, 2007 5:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Along the Star Wars theme here...

Am I the only one who can see the similarity?!?

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 4, 2007 5:42 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Jim Caple molests children.

Do I have proof? No.

But that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Embassy Forever

by Tajiri on Apr 4, 2007 6:16 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

I second it, so its definitely a fact. Take him away and execute him immediately.

Save Matt Morris. Save The Pitchers. Save The World.

by E Ticket on Apr 4, 2007 8:51 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

I've heard that he has 22 different ways to molest children.

With some "body armor"
By running full speed into a wall
On two bad knees....

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 4, 2007 9:48 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

want proof? check both his hat and shoe size. You'll find that both have grown over the past several decades. ironclad.

We'd be pretty good if we didn't suck so bad.

by nostocksjustbonds on Apr 4, 2007 9:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

I think you mean 21 REASONS!!!, Jim Caple. Isn't that what you mean?

Jerk.

Coming to you by proxy (I adopted: Dave Righetti!)

by howtheyscored on Apr 5, 2007 1:25 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Or as HOVA says...99 Reasons and Jim Caple ain't one!

Proud adoptive papa of the one, the only, Omar Vizquel.

by PacBellBoozer on Apr 5, 2007 9:16 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Apologies To The Technically Proficient...

...but I ain't...so I can't post the link...

but Google "The Onion" and read today's bit about Barry1.

Well , I laughed...and you could use one right about now , couldn't you?

Beat on Feliz with a baseball bat.

by victor frankenstein on Apr 5, 2007 12:06 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Re: 22 reasons Bonds won't pass Aaron

Based on an analysis of how Barry Bonds performed in August and September of last season, I am predicting he'll hit .290/.440/.580/1.020 this season -- with 24 homers assuming the same number of at bats as last year. That would break the career record by three.

by sharksrog on Apr 5, 2007 12:30 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs