Back in 1995 my boss suggested I start taking these tablets called emailabol.  He said the drug was actually illegal but taking them would help me write reports faster, work longer hours, and be more productive in staff meetings.  My boss promised that, if I wanted to keep my emailabol use a secret, he would make sure nobody found out.  We both knew that public knowledge of my use could leave a black mark on my career.  My boss also informed me that with emailabol increasing my productivity, I would be more valuable and a raise would certainly be in my future.  He was right.  I received a 3000% raise from a new company that wanted to hire me for my outstanding services.  

Soon after my transfer, I noticed that emailabol was becoming really common in the industry.  Some entry-level employees were using emailabol-TPS, which is similar to the original emailabol without some of the nasty side-effects (craving yogurt parfaits during snack-time, sending evites for wine and cheese parties, etc.).  Life seemed so wonderful.  I was achieving fame and fortune, and all because of emailabol.

After a while, things around the office started to get a little strange.  It all started when my boss decided to stop telling me where I could buy emailabol.  It was almost like he didn't want to have knowledge of my use.  He started to do little things to separate himself from me and the other emailabol-users.  I put a Post-it on his desk, just to say "hey, WTF?" but he told me he never got it.  A few months later, an industry-wide memo goes out that says any use of emailabol is strictly prohibited.  If that wasn't enough, we were going to be tested for emailabol and the results would be made public!  This new information hit us hard.  Many of us had relied on emailabol.  It was so much a part of our careers that working without it would be near impossible.  Alas, we did what we had to do.  Most of us quit the stuff.  

A few guys around the office still talk about using -- but never too loudly because apparently we disgraced our friends, our family, and the industry by using emailabol.