Fly on the wall....
by Grant Brisbee on Dec 6, 2006 10:31 PM PST
in News
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PrintJeff Borris: Bri. It's Jeff. Listen, I'm going to have to call you back. I have another call from a different team.
Borris hangs up
Brian Sabean: But you called me. Hello? Hello?
Sabean resumes not thinking about how to build a baseball team in a different way.
The phone rings
Sabean: Hello?
Borris: Bri. It's Jeff. Listen, things are getting hot and heavy. Seriously hot. Seriously heavy. I'm surprised I can even get cell reception in this pit of burning heat-fire. I'm playing two teams off each other, three teams on each other, and two teams left messages for me with three anonymous offers. But I found out who they were 'cause I star-69ed them.
Sabean: Hey, we're interested, but we can't budge from that initial offer. The incentives make sense, and th....
Borris: Whoops. Gotta go. The Angels are on the land line.
Sabean: Wait, this is getting.... Hello? Hello?
Borris: Yeah...right...hold on...a fifth year? Really.... Brian, I'm going to have to call you back. Check your e-mail.
Sabean: Hello? Hello? E-mail?
Sabean closes his phone
The phone rings five seconds later
Sabean: Hel...
Borris: Bri. Did you get my e-mail?
Sabean: E-mail?
Borris: Forget it. I'm here with a guy you might know: Ned Colletti. I think he's got the scratch, and I think Bonds has the itch. And by scratch, I mean money. A whole bunch of it. I'm thinking you have one last chance to top him. I can't say much, but Colletti's offer involves a six-year deal and a golf course in Dubai.
Sabean: Wait, but Ned's here with me. I'm having lunch with him right now.
Ned Colletti: Who's that?
Sabean: Barry's agent.
Borris: Oh, man! I thought you sounded close. That is too funny. I'm right in front of you, talking to Ned.
Sabean looks around
Sabean: Wait, what?
Borris: Man, too funny. Check it out, Ned. This whole time, we were all having lunch together!
Sabean looks around again. Colletti is staring blankly at a bowl of sugar cubes.
Borris: Good talking with you, the food was great, but I have to run. I just saw another GM come in the door of whatever restaurant we're eating at. Call me when you get serious, Bri.
Sabean looks around some more. Colletti does that thing where there's food stuck in his teeth, and he tries to get it out with his tongue, but he keeps his mouth closed, so it looks all funny and stuff....
Sabean closes his phone
The phone rings again
Sabean:: Hello?
Darren Oliver's Agent: Hey, Brian, it's Jeff. I hate to say this, but I think we're going to have to turn down the offer. It's generous, but we're going to need a second year from someone.
Sabean: Well, you called my bluff, dang it. Alright, I'll give you the third year. But the option is going to be a team option.
Darren Oliver's Agent: But I only said we needed two y...
Sabean: Alright! A player option, you jackal. Fax everything over when you get a chance.
Sabean closes his phone.
Colletti points to Sabean's leftovers
Colletti: You going to eat that?
FIN
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Re: Fly on the wall....
by North Side Chicago Expatriate Giants Fan on Dec 6, 2006 10:27 PM PST reply actions
bravo
by nostocksjustbonds on Dec 6, 2006 10:27 PM PST reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
"Sabean resumes not thinking about how to build a baseball team in a different way."
He almost fooled us too.
Re: Fly on the wall....
But the Giants had their doubts. In fact, club employees were sent into the lobby to act as reporters, trying to find if there was a team with genuine interest. The more they investigated, the more they were certain there was no such team.
Never mind.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/12/07/BONDS.TMP
Re: Fly on the wall....
Wow! If we get Zito, then we can afford to trade multiple young pitchers? Great! You mean to tell me that we can trade a few guys with promise for proven mediocrity? And at a steal of $17 million a year? Where can I sign up?
by CystedTwister on Dec 7, 2006 12:13 AM PST up reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
by z4 landshark @ McCovey Chronicles on Dec 6, 2006 10:45 PM PST reply actions
Spectacular.
Re: Fly on the wall....
by Shawn Estes for President on Dec 6, 2006 11:46 PM PST reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
by CystedTwister on Dec 7, 2006 12:40 AM PST up reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
Grant...
The heart of the issue here is quite obvious: Bonds showing up at winter meetings smacks of that time when Rudy Giuliani hosted SNL - they were both old and way out of place.
When was the last time you remember a player showing up at winter meetings while his agent concocted stories of 'mystery teams' intended to turn up the heat on his client's only suitors? Now maybe it has happened, but if it has, it's beyond the scope of my baseball memory.
Furthermore, it's incredibly sad to see that the best hitter I have ever seen dig his cleats into the batter's box has to stoop to such a ridiculous stunt like this to get what he feels are his dues. It's just plain pathetic. This is BARRY BONDS. Why, oh why, must he make an ass of himself and the game? Did Borris tell him that this would be a good idea? Christ, it just hurts to watch.
Please just give the guy a contract worth something so that he can save his dignity and quit looking like a fool in front of his media counterparts who already have nothing but the utmost disdain for him as a player and human being. Unfortunately, my guess is that Sabes has, in fact, offered Bonds a very reasonable contract (1 year 13 mill or so), and Borris turned him down cause he wants that oh-so-important vesting option for that oh-so-ridiculous second year.
Yeah, Barry will get a 2-year contract...and monkeys might fly out of Mark Gardner's urethra. Bonds playing beyond the '07 season may happen, but no contract offers in this offseason will guarantee that.
Alright. Sorry for the incoherent venting. You guys are far more adept at creating interesting and insightful posts than this rambler. Write on.
Re: Grant...
Re: Grant...
Like Jake says. Ricky's third person press conferences and Reggie being the stirrer in the Yankees drink.
The only thing missing here is Joan and Melissa Rivers. Maybe Pat O'brien.
At this rate, I'm surprised Paris Hilton, and the other pantless bimbettes she runs with haven't stopped by for a little photo op or 12.
by E Ticket on Dec 7, 2006 8:19 AM PST up reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
Re: Fly on the wall....
"Colletti: You going to eat that?"
Te notion of Ned picking off Brian's plate
(personified by Schmidt) rings true.
Now, paint a pitcure in your mind's eye
of Sabean on his hands and knees,
scavaging some scraps from the
Padres buffet table.
Only then, can the
winter of our discontent
be understood.
Re: Fly on the wall....
by rockeastwood on Dec 7, 2006 6:02 AM PST reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
Sabean looks around some more. Colletti does that thing where there's food stuck in his teeth, and he tries to get it out with his tongue, but he keeps his mouth closed, so it looks all funny and stuff....
And stuff indeed ... I love waking up and finding something like this.
Re: Fly on the wall....
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 7, 2006 8:46 AM PST reply actions
Re: Fly on the wall....
And I 26th that motion.
Re: Fly on the wall....
I didn't find it to be at all amusing.
(Oh hell, yes it was.)
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 7, 2006 9:31 AM PST up reply actions
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
Actually, now that I think about it, I want cards like that myself.
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
by E Ticket on Dec 7, 2006 12:04 PM PST up reply actions
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
by victor frankenstein on Dec 7, 2006 5:03 PM PST up reply actions
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
"It wasn't prudent," Sabean said. "I've never talked to a player about negotiations in person. I didn't think that was what we needed to do, and Jeff agreed."
From this language, it seems like the idea of Barry sitting down with Sabean was brought up. If both Sabean and Borris thought it was a bad idea, does this mean Barry brought it up? I wonder if Barry is saying, "Let's take the Giants' offer", and Borris is convincing him to wait and play with all these antics.
Oh, and Grant- thank you for making me laugh out loud in the middle of my lab.
Re: Hard to make things up. . .
"I don't know anything. I'm Sgt. Schultz."
Would that make Magowan Col Klink? And I guess Bud Selig is Hitler.
Re: Fly on the wall....
Just...wow.
yeah that's good stuff
Will he choose rock...paper...or scissors?
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello
Re: Fly on the wall....
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