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Around SBN: Phil Mickelson Outshines Tiger Woods

Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time

58366_1517436709046_1628340426_1210423_4739562_n_tiny by VidaWantsYourCar on

The recent, brief smattering of Randy Johnson jokes--in conjunction with the "greatest players of all time" list--got me to thinking about this subject, and wondering whether it would be a bit harsh to post this diary. If some of you are also uncomfortable with how much fun it could be compiling this list, then perhaps we can start a "best looking ballplayer" list later on (which come to think of it would probably make us even more uncomfortable).

In the meantime, with bated breath, I'll put my hat in the ring for Randy Hundley, Otis Nixon, and Steve Mingori.

This FanPost is reader-generated, and it does not necessarily reflect the views of McCovey Chronicles. If the author uses filler to achieve the minimum word requirement, a moderator may edit the FanPost for his or her own amusement.

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Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Bartolo Colon looks like the missing link with a bad haircut.

Willie McGee always look likes he just smelled a fart.

Biggest mankinder in the history of no brain.

by Goofus on Dec 19, 2006 4:17 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Bartolo Colon looks like Grimace with a jheri curl. And not purple.
Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 19, 2006 4:35 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I spit up my drink when I read this, I still can't read it with a straight face. Brilliant

by Trenchtown on Dec 20, 2006 9:31 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
This game has no competition. It's like asking what's our biggest moon or the wettest water. Willie Dean McGee is the Fugliest Beast to ever crawl out of the bog of eternal stench. He once looked at Medusa and she cried then turned into a statue. He single-handedly ended WWII when he jumped out of a foxhole and yelled "BOO!" at Hitler. His image is responsible for all the blindness in the world today. Need I continue?
Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Dec 19, 2006 4:40 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
On top of the fact that McGee is generally an ugly man by most standards, he also had one of the ugliest pre-two strike swings ever.  It never failed that prior to getting two strikes Willie flailed away appearing wholly overmatched - only to punch a single up the middle w/ two strikes.

by amoose on Dec 20, 2006 8:56 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I loved the way McGee used to limp up to the plate when it was his AB, looking like he had a bad ankle or something, then proceed to get a hit and FLY around the bases to a double or triple.  He was pretty cool.  But ugly.

by Cleophus on Dec 20, 2006 10:57 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
In my lifetime, yeah Goofus, good calls.  I'd add Vern Ruhle and John Kruk to the list too.  

Famous ugly guys?  I'll take Pete Rose for $100.

by Kent @ McCovey Chronicles on Dec 19, 2006 4:52 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I thought of Vern Ruhle right after I posted the diary. He kinda looked like Hundley, but without the luxury of being able to hide behind a catcher's mask.
cue: theme from "The Natural"

by VidaWantsYourCar on Dec 19, 2006 9:02 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Willie McGee was the first thing in my head! Great guy and player, but, no luck in the looks department.
Keeping a close eye on the Giants AAA players

by Andy In Fresno on Dec 19, 2006 9:55 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Interesting how he was never in the same room with ET at the same time.
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix

by GiantJim on Dec 20, 2006 10:08 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
If you include Kruk, then you have to include Don Zimmer.
Biggest mankinder in the history of no brain.

by Goofus on Dec 20, 2006 10:37 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Re: Willie McGee looking like he smelled a fart.

It was actually that he smelled Darren Lewis.

by dangjackson on Dec 20, 2006 12:02 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I found this Bill James quote on Wikipedia:

"Don Mossi was the complete five-tool ugly player. He could run ugly, hit ugly, throw ugly, field ugly and ugly for power. He was ugly to all fields. He could ugly behind the runner as well as anybody, and you talk about pressure ... man, you never saw a player who was uglier in the clutch."

by clevername on Dec 19, 2006 4:46 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I am too ignorant to know how to include a picture of Daly City's own, Don Mossi. Anybody?

by drysdalecousin on Dec 19, 2006 4:51 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
There's a good one on this card collector's page.
You're nobody 'til everybody in
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello

by EliminateMe on Dec 19, 2006 5:49 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Damn. Awesome picture. Damn.
I own my own business and I'm a giants fan; being a Giants fan is harder.

by hairball on Dec 20, 2006 8:20 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I actually thought that was one of his better pictures. I've seen some pictures of him when he was unshaven that were downright scary.

by rxmeister on Dec 21, 2006 5:49 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I think the "color TV" border really adds the touch of class that perfectly offsets Mossi's made-for-radio looks.
You're nobody 'til everybody in
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello

by EliminateMe on Dec 21, 2006 11:44 AM PST up reply actions  

The Sphinx
it'd be funnier if he were a hitter.

by Trenchtown on Dec 20, 2006 9:30 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
i was a kid when otis nixon was on all those great atlanta teams. (im now 22) my little brother and i used to call him "the scary man"

by someguynamedg on Dec 19, 2006 4:25 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Ezequiel Astacio looks like his face exploded.
Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 19, 2006 4:37 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
There's this pitcher...my son and I call him "The Big Ugly Unit"
Then it all came rushing back to me - like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist!

by victor frankenstein on Dec 19, 2006 4:38 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Whoops - shoulda read the preface.
 Look up "redundant" and be glad it's my face you see and not Johnson's.
Then it all came rushing back to me - like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist!

by victor frankenstein on Dec 19, 2006 4:41 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
We need links to pics of these peeps so we can check em out. Please include.
My VORP is higher than your VORP.

by Poe on Dec 19, 2006 4:41 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Astacio

I don't know what's up with his face in the photos I've seen, because in others he doesn't look like that:

Beats me.

Who could forget Jack Wilson? All ugly all the time.

Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 19, 2006 4:50 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Jack Wilson is a matinee idol compared to Don Mossi.  You are computer literate.  Please do Don.

by drysdalecousin on Dec 19, 2006 4:54 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Well, this guy definitely wins:

Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 19, 2006 4:56 PM PST up reply actions  

*screams*
Nobody's uglier than a Tripod logo.
LicenseToPills: barry bonds says words, they have nothing to do with his thoughts, they are just subjects and predicates in his mental kingdom

by Natto on Dec 19, 2006 5:08 PM PST up reply actions  

Better?
Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 19, 2006 5:39 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Better?
Damn!! Do you guys think he got any groupies at all when the team was on the road??

by rxmeister on Dec 21, 2006 5:51 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Better?
The women from "Night of the Living Dead"
Save The Pitcher. Save The World

by E Ticket on Dec 21, 2006 7:59 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Better?
I don't know if "better" is the appropriate word, but, yes...we can see him now.
cue: theme from "The Natural"

by VidaWantsYourCar on Dec 21, 2006 10:21 AM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Wow. Um. Wow. Ewwww.
My VORP is higher than your VORP.

by Poe on Dec 19, 2006 5:29 PM PST up reply actions  

Contest is over.
Here's to a good 2007. Or 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or...

by WalrusMan on Dec 19, 2006 5:37 PM PST up reply actions  

BOO KIDS!

this will haunt your nightmares.

Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Dec 19, 2006 5:08 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: BOO KIDS!
redhornet78 wins the "photoshop in less than 30 seconds" contest.
You're nobody 'til everybody in
this town thinks you're a bastard - Elvis Costello

by EliminateMe on Dec 19, 2006 5:51 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: BOO KIDS!
That's fantastic!  Please keep that around, I'm laughing to myself and having my wife shaking her head at me.  Hilarious.

by Kent @ McCovey Chronicles on Dec 19, 2006 7:27 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
I love the guy, but Marquis Grissom does not have an eye-friendly face.
LicenseToPills: barry bonds says words, they have nothing to do with his thoughts, they are just subjects and predicates in his mental kingdom

by Natto on Dec 19, 2006 4:41 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Benito Santiago
Danys Baez
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. - Homer Simpson

by attinger on Dec 19, 2006 5:06 PM PST reply actions  

Brotha, you look exactly like Deputy Dawg
Once more unto the breach, dear friends (where "breach" = another meaningless October.)

by Mayor of 311 on Dec 19, 2006 5:32 PM PST up reply actions  

This conversation can start anywhere you want,
but it ends with Mr. Kirby Puckett.  He looked exactly like a brown version of those Spuds McKenzie dogs (Patton had one; can't remember the breed name), was shaped like a sewer pipe, and could never own a watch because his face BROKE THE DAMN THING.  He's tied only with Larry Bird as the ugliest man in all of sports.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends (where "breach" = another meaningless October.)

by Mayor of 311 on Dec 19, 2006 5:35 PM PST reply actions  

good call!
Once more unto the breach, dear friends (where "breach" = another meaningless October.)

by Mayor of 311 on Dec 19, 2006 7:55 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: And this bag of douche, also
Julian "bag of douche" Tavarez and Manuel Noriega: separated at birth?
cue: theme from "The Natural"

by VidaWantsYourCar on Dec 19, 2006 8:57 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
That picture of Don Mossi is actually one of his better shots. I found a Mossi baseball card (Cleveland) online where he makes Randy Johnson look like Errol Flynn. Even the freakish Chief Wahoo logo on the card looks downright debonair in comparison.

On the same site, also found a card for Rip Repulski. Actually a decent-looking guy, but definitely on the All-Ugly-Name team.

by leewhee on Dec 19, 2006 6:45 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
In retrospect, Mickey Rivers was like a poor man's Willie McGee (before there was a Willie McGee). They kinda remind me of a couple of the Cosby Kids (the cartoon, of course, not the Lisa Bonet sibs).
cue: theme from "The Natural"

by VidaWantsYourCar on Dec 19, 2006 8:59 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Otis Nixon's brother Donell Nixon, who briefly played for the G-men had a face only a mother could love.  Has anyone ever seen Melido Perez? He looked like a crack head with a bad jerry curl.

by laxplayer24 on Dec 19, 2006 9:28 PM PST reply actions  

Re: My entry to a Fark.com Photoshop contest....
i just got the hiccups from viewing this pic. thanks.
Dodgers fans eat their young.

by redhornet78 on Dec 20, 2006 10:59 AM PST up reply actions  

The Ladies' Perspective???
It would seem that Luis Sojo and Ron Coomer have less-than-attractive features:

http://www.sportsgoons.com/volume2/Vol2_Iss10/slump_buster.htm

Waiting for Nate, Marcus, Nick, & Emmanuel

by Lyle @ McCovey Chronicles on Dec 20, 2006 9:11 AM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Jack Thomas Snow

(A screech coming from a large female crowd is heard miles away...)

Whoops, I meant Bartolo Colon, too.

by kwyjibo on Dec 20, 2006 9:30 AM PST reply actions  

Lies, I tell you.
Blasphemous, foul, dirty lies. Lies.
Read SFDugout. It'll make you a better person.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Dec 20, 2006 4:15 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Mike LaCoss always creeped me out.

Rick Reuchel was no rico suave.

by Kid Fresh on Dec 20, 2006 3:13 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
And to think LaCoss was nicknamed "Buffy". I usually think of something much more attractive upon hearing that name.
cue: theme from "The Natural"

by VidaWantsYourCar on Dec 20, 2006 5:03 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Surprised nobody's mentioned Mark McGwire.

by keithr on Dec 20, 2006 4:12 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
The roids are keeping him off this list.  who knows what he would have looked like with out them

by Giant Dwarf on Dec 20, 2006 4:44 PM PST up reply actions  

Kent Tekulve
Seriously.  Black pants and yellow stirrups didn't help.
"Why you gotta be cardin' my hos?" - Charlie Hayes

by stevieg on Dec 20, 2006 4:56 PM PST reply actions  

Re: Kent Tekulve
But his supernaturally loose joints (possibly non-existent joints, based on his "delivery") could have proven very, um, interesting with the ladies.

He was always my hero as a kid because I have a benign hyperflexibility of my joints. For instance, I can bend my fingers all the way back, a trick I didn't discover had any use until I was about 20...

Once more unto the breach, dear friends (where "breach" = another meaningless October.)

by Mayor of 311 on Dec 21, 2006 7:33 PM PST up reply actions  

Re: Ugliest Ballplayers of All Time
Can I give a shout out to Trevor Wilson and his stupid smile! I would also like to put Tommy Lasorda on this list. He makes Willie look pretty.
"I've got a Giant Attitude"

by The Thrill on Dec 21, 2006 8:42 PM PST reply actions  

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