Haiku

by Grant Brisbee on Dec 30, 2005 10:54 AM PST in News

Doing haiku is almost an internet cliche at this point, so I need to reestablish my credentials. I've rocked the Giants 'ku since 1998. I also saw Radiohead in a small London club, and Thomas Pynchon gave me his manuscript of Gravity's Rainbow to read before it was published. I told him it needed more confusing parts. I was the guy who tested Pong before it came on the market, I saw Marlon Brando's high school performance of "You Can't Take It With You", and I was there when the first Chuck Norris joke was told. So, yes, I am much, much, much cooler than you. This haiku stuff proves nothing.

Thrusting costumed seal,
Ed Sullivan would not show
Learn a new gag, Lou.

Starving man buys a
four thousand dollar hot dog
Matt Morris deal

Up the middle, or
just goodbye, another George
Foster R.B.I.

That was the actual text of a George Foster garbage can I had as a kid. Oh, you mean to tell me you didn't have a metal George Foster garbage can? It's stuck with me for 25 years. Even before I counted it out, I knew it had to be a haiku. So elegant.

Break back! Back! In! No!
Strike one, two, three, four, five, six
Linden could surprise

The younger Alou
Urine joke is too easy
Psyche: Pee hands! Pee hands!

Wise men once intoned:
Don't Viz on the electric fence
Twice as careful now

I don't like Finley.
Man-buzzard with heart of ash
Still, better than Fonz

Kruk, Kuip, Miller, Flem
Rest of league, not even close
Best announcing team

Fact: It's impossible to look cool when counting on your fingers.

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Comments

For teh Warriors fans...

Vonteego, Mookie,
Bimbo, Speedy, Muggsy too
Weird ass point guard names

by Grant Brisbee on Dec 30, 2005 10:55 AM PST reply actions

Re: For teh Warriors fans...

If only Earl Boynkins had one of these first names, he would be in my Carlester Crumpler Hall Of Fame.

"Robb Nen is going to get you" - Benito Santiago to Chipper Jones, 10/7/02

by Pants Man on Dec 30, 2005 11:12 AM PST up reply actions

Getting older

It took me 35 years to realize that I'm a big fan of Chuck Norris jokes. Who knew?

I dig the Finley one, by the way, and the Morris one is brilliant, even if my calculator rejected it.

"Robb Nen is going to get you" - Benito Santiago to Chipper Jones, 10/7/02

by Pants Man on Dec 30, 2005 11:11 AM PST reply actions

Re: Getting older

even if my calculator rejected it.

Pshaw. It adds up to me. Don't know what you're talking about. It's not as if I changed it, so you must have been off.

by Grant Brisbee on Dec 30, 2005 3:22 PM PST up reply actions

No problem

It's the holiday season... you can always give the "si-uh-lent night" treatment to "starving man".

"Robb Nen is going to get you" - Benito Santiago to Chipper Jones, 10/7/02

by Pants Man on Dec 30, 2005 4:02 PM PST up reply actions

Re: Haiku

Just running to first
Over to cover the bag
Hamstring Detaches

by out machine on Dec 30, 2005 11:13 AM PST reply actions

Good one

by Nick Schulte on Dec 30, 2005 11:26 AM PST up reply actions

Re: Haiku

Does the little things
Saves countless runs with defense
Huge VORP: Chuck Norris

Saving countless runs with my defense

by lyricalkiller on Dec 30, 2005 11:40 AM PST reply actions

Re: Haiku

Miller on the mic
"Twelve years ago, in Akron
... ball two, low, inside"

by tk on Dec 30, 2005 12:36 PM PST reply actions

Great one!

The sequel:

2-0 to Barry
Looks like a schooner out there
Goodbye Pelota

Saving countless runs with my defense

by lyricalkiller on Dec 30, 2005 1:11 PM PST up reply actions

K&K

Sausage racing fans
Entreat us, "Grab some pine, meat"
Kids eat free all June

by tk on Dec 31, 2005 12:24 AM PST up reply actions

I might have a haiku problem

David B., Phlegm, Flame
Just don't call me late for lunch
When Jon is buying.

by tk on Dec 31, 2005 9:13 AM PST up reply actions

I rocked the Giants ku in 2004

Rueter ku

low strikeout totals
and a lot of baserunners
keep Voros sleepless

Ryan Jensen

Jensen meet waivers
Did it with smoke and mirrors
Now he's driving trucks

Ned Colleti

millions for Neifi
and multiyear for Tucker?
Visit my swap meet

Neifi ku

out, out, out, out, out,
out, out, single, out, out, out
out, out, out, out, out.

pitchers and catchers report February 17th!

by Fog City Blues on Dec 30, 2005 1:04 PM PST reply actions

Re: I rocked the Giants ku in 2004

I know Chris Brown is driving trucks for a living now. (I hope he got back from Iraq okay; talk about a tough route!) Is Ryan Jensen really driving trucks? I know he had a couple of starts with the Royals a year or two ago.

by Skaldheim on Dec 30, 2005 2:27 PM PST up reply actions