The St. Louis Cardinals might be the most annoying franchise in baseball. The Yankees will always have a claim to that title. The Red Sox are too funny right now to be annoying. The Marlins are … wait, it's probably the Marlins.

But the Cardinals are still annoying. Good every damned year. Lose an ace, win the World Series. Lose the best hitter in baseball, keep the hitting ability in the divorce. Pitcher after pitcher after pitcher coming up with a surprise season, even after Dave Duncan is gone. They're the quiet guy in the cubicle next you, always seeming to finish their reports quicker than you, and always getting the majority of the praise in the company meeting. If you've ever said, "I want to pee in the Cardinals' coffee!" in line at the bank without knowing why, it's because you thought of that metaphor first.

I'm not jealous of their abilities to turn Kyle Lohse into something worthwhile, or their endless parade of one-season wonders that they jettison just at the right time, like Jason Simontacchi, Braden Looper, or Todd Wellemeyer. It'd be pretty tacky for a fan of the Giants to complain about something like that. The Giants found Ryan Vogelsong in a bassinet on their doorstep after enjoying the success of three former first-round picks. The Royals have been looking for a good starting pitcher for years, and we shipped over a dirty bomb that exploded all over their rotation. Nope, can't complain about a team that cobbles together a good staff year after year.

But the hitting. That stupid hitting. They lost Albert Pujols and stayed just as productive. They signed Lance Berkman to be a right fielder, which was just about the funniest thing in baseball until he was completely awesome. And when Matt Holliday went down to an injury last year, they replaced him with six or seven guys who hit just as well as Holliday while he was out. So annoying.

Think about Jon Jay. This is the first time you've thought about Jon Jay in several months. Now you're thinking about the Federalist Papers. Stop that. Back to Jon Jay. What do you know about him? Nice player, right? Jon Jay would be the most successful outfielder the Giants have developed since Chili Davis, who was in his fifth season in the majors when Jay was born.

The Cardinals don't care. They just pull a Jon Jay out of a vat of amniotic fluid and plug him into the lineup. Then they look for the next Jon Jay.

The worst part might be what they did this offseason. They took my idea:

I'd rather have Rafael Furcal and Carlos Beltran for a combined $70 million over the next couple of years than Prince Fielder and Brandon Crawford for $150 million over the next seven.

Surprise! Furcal and Beltran cost about half of that, and both of them are on fire. So is Beltran's knee, which might be why the Giants were wary, but the Cardinals had two of the same holes that the Giants did. They filled them with known quantities and good players. The Giants got Brandon Crawford.

So let me revisit the opening line. The most annoying franchise in baseball -- to me, at least -- is the Giants. Wait, no, still the Marlins. But the Giants are up there because they're not a bad organization. They do plenty of things right. And they're just close enough to being a complete organization that you're cool with them, and then you see a complete organization -- one that can develop hitters and pitchers effortlessly. Maybe I'm not giving enough credit for Pablo Sandoval and Buster Posey. But I look at what the Cardinals can do with Jay and Allen Craig and David Freese, and Beltran and Furcal and Berkman, and I start to get a little envious. Offense, yo. Offense.

I wonder what Charlie Culberson and Roger Kieschnick would look like as prospects right now if they came up with the Cardinals. Maybe the same. It's not fair to judge the Giants based on hypotheticals and thought experiments like that. But I can at least throw the thought out there before I have to withdraw it. At least the jury gets to hear it, even if the objection is sustained.

Hitter to watch
Will Carlos Beltran get booed? Probably. But that's because people are stupid. The Giants had an actual offense last September. It was fun to watch, and Beltran was a huge part of that. Melky Cabrera is good, sure. But Beltran is the Backstreet Boys to Cabrera's 98º. It's still, like, amazing music, but you know it's not the original.

Pitcher to watch
Adam Wainwright is in the same circle of FIP hell that Tim Lincecum is, except Wainwright isn't walking everyone in sight. He was looking forward to this start against the Giants in San Francisco like a broke guy looks forward to his holiday bonus. If I can just make it there without falling apart completely, I should be okay ….

Prediction
Neither the Giants nor Cardinals will come away with a three-game sweep in this series. You can put some sweet cheddar on that prediction.

Two-game series are just the worst.

Tuesday highlights from the Giants' farm: Ben Thomas homered twice, and Roger Kieschnick homered and singled.

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The last time the Giants walked ten times and lost: May 29, 2001. That was the 18-inning, 1-0 loss to the Diamondbacks. The losing pitcher was Ryan Vogelsong, whom we never heard from again.

As a contender for the most frustrating game of the year, this one had a lot going for it. Horrible defense. Runners left in scoring position all night. Lincecum bunching up all of his base runners at the worst possible time again. Feckless homegrown hitter after feckless homegrown hitter.

But it could have been more frustrating. The Giants walked 10 times tonight. Ten! Baby steps. And the way it could have been the most frustrating game is if Melky Cabrera didn't double down the line, and if only the Blanco walk in the third came around to score. That would have been most frustrating loss of the year. All it would have taken was a Melky Cabrera grounder to second. A half-inch in any direction. Double play. And the Giants wouldn't have used those walks at all.

You could almost picture Bochy harrumphing that a buncha walks don't do crap. Need to drive the ball, et cetera, et cetera. Instead, the Giants actually made the Rockies pay a little bit. Made them sweat, at least.

So it wasn't the most frustrating loss of the year. It had a comeback that went nowhere, horrible strikeouts at the worst time, and runners, runners, runners just hanging out, waiting for someone to drive them in. But it wasn't the most frustrating loss of the year. Because at least they got some runners, right?

Ha ha ha ha, just kidding. That was the most frustrating loss of the year.

We're past the point of freaking out over Lincecum. At least, I am. You can't just pretend the first three starts of the season didn't exist, but since then, I'm pretty convinced that he's the same pitcher he was in 2010, at least, just without a single scrap of luck. He's missing bats and he's making fewer terrible mistakes over the heart of the plate.

That doesn't mean tonight wasn't frustrating to watch. Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating. The secret word. Y'all supposed to scream when you hear it. Frustrating. The purple muppet in the corner will slow it down and help you with the pronunciation. Carlos Gonzalez bloops a double down the line? Of course he's going to score. Tulowitzki reaches third on a two-base error? Of course he's going to score. That's how his season has gone so far.

And when he's trotted out in the seventh with a fastball that's slowing down and 100 pitches? Well, you knew another run was coming in. But we're a few starts removed from a completely unrecognizable Tim Lincecum. That guy was freaking me out. This guy is just frustrating.

Gregor Blanco walked to lead off the game again. He starts again. This is not negotiable.

Actually, I'm thinking Bochy can get a punch card for leadoff walks. And after each one, Blanco can bring the card to Bochy, who will punch out a little hole. And when Blanco gets a dozen, he gets a free sandwich or a $50,000 bonus or something. They can let human resources hash that part out.

Just about everything good this week has involved Gregor Blanco. I know it's easy to get too excited over a hot stretch of play, but at least he can get a damned sandwich.

I'm not sure that I remember watching a hitter struggle to hit fastballs quite like Brandon Belt. Up and away. Middle away. Middle up. Pumping them right by him again and again. So frustrating. I have no idea how that's supposed to be fixed. The good thing is that the Giants don't either, so at least we're covered.

Buster Posey's gutter slump isn't something that can be covered in a paragraph or two, so let's save that until tomorrow. Until then, let's sit around and wonder if Emmanuel Burriss really is the worst hitter on a major-league roster right now. Here's the only double Burriss has had since 2009:

In the last 100 games Burriss has played in, that's his only double. It hit two feet in front of home plate. He has absolutely no value to a team if he isn't walking, and he isn't going to walk because he hits a double every 100 games. He's like Chone Figgins without all the positive attributes. I'm pretty sure that Bochy's had it with him, judging by his decision to send up Schierholtz in the ninth.

Speaking of whom, Schierholtz swung at one pitch in the last at-bat of the game.

Go on. Guess which one he swung at. No, seriously, guess. Come on. Be a sport. Keep in mind that Rafael Betancourt works left-handed hitters away. He has never hit a left-handed batter.

Here's a chart of the pitches Betancourt has thrown to left-handers over the last two seasons:

That's from the catcher's perspective. Do you believe Schierholtz was thinking the other way when the fastball came on the outside half of the plate? The last fifteen words of that sentence were unnecessary, and the answer is "no."

Gregor Blanco - RF
Brandon Belt - 1B
Melky Cabrera - LF
Buster Posey - C
Angel Pagan - CF
Joaquin Arias - 3B
Brandon Crawford - SS
Emmanuel Burriss -2B
Tim Lincecum - RHP

From Carl Steward earlier in the week:

Would you give (Melky Cabrera) an Aaron Rowand contract — 5 years, $60 million — right now?

Oh, god, no.

Let’s take a vote. All those in favor say please, please, pretty please, yes.

No. No. No.

All opposed?

Me. Over here.

Thought so.

OH GOD I'M RAISING MY HAND PLEASE LOOK AT ME

Crickets.

/eats decaying plant material

Cabrera is an interesting, interesting case. I'm not suggesting there's no chance he'll be worth 5/$60M. If he plays as well as he did last year -- and he's been even better this year -- he'd be worth every penny. But here's another quick recap of his professional career:

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Monday highlight from the Giants' farm: Kevin Couture had 5.0 scoreless IP.

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Coors Field is an objectively horrible place. One of the most horrible places on Earth. The best part of the baseball that's played there is the guy in the dinosaur costume. I mean, I think it's a guy. It's not like I've had dreams where the mask comes off, and it's a redhead with a shameless smile and … look, point is, Coors Field is the worst place ever built. All of the creepy paintings and symbols at the Denver Airport are just letting you know that you're close to Coors Field.

But that's how Rockies fans feel about AT&T Park. For the last couple of decades, the Giants and Rockies have had an agreement to play the most frustrating ball possible when they're on the road. It's kind of special, actually. When the Giants go to Coors, there are doinks that fall into the 40-acre outfield, pop-ups that go 430 feet, and Troy Tulowitzki. Always Troy Tulowitzki. Unless it's Carlos Gonzalez. Or anyone else. They're all pretty annoying at Coors Field.

And at AT&T, the Rockies are supposed to use tubes of wrapping paper instead of bats when they hit. In the 19 games since the start of 2010, the Rockies have scored 35 runs. Fewer than two per game. And every game seems to be like this one. Tight. Low-scoring. Up in the air in the late innings. And more often than not, something happens that benefits the Giants and screws the Rockies. It helps me believe in a balanced, orderly universe.

Of course, this just sets up a Coorsing to be named later. In the third inning, with the bases loaded, Michael Cuddyer skied a ball to deep left-center. Harmless out. It would have been 19 rows up at Coors. The baseball gods have an intern keeping track of stuff like that. There will be a time where two walks and a double set up the 15-run inning at Coors.

Like I care about that now. Hee hee. It's funny when it isn't us!

Instinctively, you know that the difference between gritty and disappointing is a Cuddyer grounder through the 5-6 hole. Ryan Vogelsong gets credit for pitching gritty and gutty and gurgly, but he isn't always going to get out of so many self-inflicted jams.

Still, it's so much fun to watch him pitch. That's the difference between a Zito five-walk game (or a Lincecum one, for that matter) and a Vogelsong five-walk game. The Zito five-walk game is part extra-careful and part don't-know-where-it's-going. The Lincecum five-walk game is pure don't-know-where-it's-going. Vogelsong is just being stubborn, and I mean that in the best way possible. He wasn't going to throw a meatball when he could just face the next guy and get a fly ball.

That'll burn him some nights. It didn't happen too often last year, though. And it wasn't a concern tonight. A reminder that he was a Giants prospect when the team played at Candlestick. It's been a full year now, and I'm sure I still don't believe it.

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Lineup, via CSN Bay Area:

1. Gregor Blanco (L) RF
2. Joaquin Arias (R) 3B
3. Melky Cabrera (S) LF
4. Buster Posey (R) C
5. Angel Pagan (S) CF
6. Brett Pill (R) 1B
7. Charlie Culberson (R) 2B
8. Brandon Crawford (L) SS
9. Ryan Vogelsong (R) P